The PB to my J
by moonlitsuicidex
Summary: HumanStuck, SadStuck. Gamzee and Tavros are the best of friends, but Tavros is being horribly bullied by Vriska! This is the story of Gamzee and Tavros, and the tragedy that befalls them. Rated T for language, implied smut (but no smut) grief, alcohol use, and blood.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I cracked open a bottle of Faygo and leaned back in a chair. This drink is a miracle in and of itself I thought. I savored it and drank it till it was gone.

I heard a knock on the door.

"WhO Is iT?" I asked to whoever was standing outside the door.

"uM,,,IT'S ME,,," I heard Tavros' cautious voice from outside the door.

"Oh! CoMe oN In bRo!" I say through the door.

Tavros walked in and sat next to me in the chair next to me, "uM,,, hI GAMZEE,,,"

"SoMeThInG WrOnG TaVbRo?"

"oH, uM, iT'S NOTHING REALLY, jUST A LITTLE LACK OF, uM, cONFIDENCE IN JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING,"

"DoN'T WoRrY TaVbRo, EvErYtHiNg iS GoNnA Be jUsT FiNe cAuSe tHeRe's gOnNa bE A MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClE CoMiN' fOr yA I JuSt kNoW It."

"tHANKS GAMZEE, i'M JUST NOT SO SURE IF GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO ME, i'M NOTHING SPECIAL, i'M ACTUALLY, uM, pRETTY USELESS," Tavros said, staring at the floor.

I tipped my head so I could see his face, "CoMe oN TaVbRo yOu kNoW YoU'Re nOt uSeLeSs yOu'rE A PrEtTy aWeSoMe mOtHeRfUcKeR," I grabbed the second bottle of Faygo off the floor next to me and handed it to him. "HaVe a fAyGo aNd jUsT ChIlL OuT AnD ApPrEcIaTe tHe mOtHeRcUkIn' MiRaClEs cAuSe yOu'rE A MiRaClE TaVbRo."

Tavros' face got red and he hid behind his hands, "yOU REALLY THINK SO GAMZEE,"

I smiled widely, "Of cOuRsE I Do tAvBrO, yOu aRe oNe oF My bEsT FrIeNdS. i dOn't kNoW WhAt i'd dO WiThOuT YoU."

He peeked one eye out from behind his hands and I could see him smiling from behind his hands.

"tHANKS GAMZEE," he moved his hands. "iT MEANS A LOT THAT I AT LEAST MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE,"

I smiled, "Of cOuRsE TaVbRo."

~====3====~

That night I laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling. All I could think about was Tavros. How his face had turned red, how he had been smiling from behind his hands. How the light lit up his eyes when he smiled.

I turned onto my side and stared at the wall, but I wasn't really seeing the wall. I was seeing Tavros. Funny thing was, I didn't mind. I liked thinking about Tavbro, he was one of the best guys I knew.

I was up all night thinking about him, I didn't get a minute of sleep that night.

~====3====~

The next day I came to school, and it went about as usual. Karkat got into ANOTHER fight. Equius, Nepeta, Sollux, and Aradia sat with me and Tavros at lunch; I slept through most of my classes.

I met up with Tavros after school, but I found him crying at our meeting spot.

"TaVbRo? Oh tAvBrO DoN'T CrY! yOu kNoW I HaTe iT WhEn yOu cRy…" I kneeled by him and hugged him. Tavros clung to me and cried into my shoulder.

I rubbed circles into his back and let him cry while saying, "It's oKaY TaVbRo, It's oKaY."

"nOT IT'S NOT,,," Tavros sobbed.

"WhAt mOtHeRfUcKeR Do i gOtTa bEaT ThIs tImE TaVbRo?" I kept rubbing his back.

"v,,, v,,, vR,,, vRISKA,,," he sobbed.

Anger flared and surged through my blood. I hate that motherfucker. She's caused Tavbro so much grief in the year she's been here. One time she pushed him down the stairs and broke his legs. He's walked with a limp ever since 'cause it didn't heal quite right.

Tavros felt my muscles tense with rage and looked up from my shoulder, "dON'T BE MAD GAMZEE, iT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, sHE JUST SLAMMED MY LOCKER SHUT ON MY FINGERS AGAIN,,, aND CALLED ME A USELESS RUNT,,, aND TOLD ME NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME,,,"

The anger in me surged again; how dare she! How dare she do this to Tavros. HOW DARE SHE!

Tavros looked me dead in the eyes as he spoke, "gAMZEE,,,, pLEASE CALM DOWN,,, iT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL OKAY,"

"No bIg dEaL? nO BiG DeAl? HoW DaRe sHe! HoW DaRe sHe hUrT YoU LiKe tHiS! hOw dArE ShE CaLl yOu uSeLeSs! HoW DaRe sHe sAy yOu wIlL NeVeR Be lOvEd dAmN It tAvBrO I'M GoNnA PaInT ThE WaLlS WiTh hEr bLoOd!" I yelled.

Tavros flinched and my anger drained away, "TaVbRo... I'M SoRrY... i wOn't hUrT HeR OkAy?"

"tHANK YOU GAMZEE,,," he buried his face in my shoulder again and cried.

I nodded and kept rubbing his back.

~====3====~

It took us an hour to walk home from school since we decided we didn't want to take the bus. We didn't wanna risk running into Vriska. We didn't want her to see him after he had been crying, and we didn't want to risk me losing it and beating her into a bloody mess.

About halfway there Tavros' legs nearly gave on him, and I carried him on my back like I have done for him so many times.

We were about 75 percent of the way home when we fell into a contented silence with Tavbro burying his face in my mess of curly black hair.

We walked in silence for a little while until Tavros broke the silence with, "gAMZEE, dO YOU THINK THAT VRISKA IS RIGHT AND THAT I'LL NEVER BE LOVED,"

I froze where I stood and nearly dropped Tavros; I was so shocked by what he said. I turned my head to look at him. "Of cOuRsE NoT TaVbRo! VrIsKa wAs jUsT MoThErFuCkIn' TrYiNg tO MaKe yOu fEeL BaD. sHe's jUsT A MoThErFuCkEr pAy hEr nO MiNd oKaY TaVbRo?"

He looked a little sad, but he nodded in agreement.

We talked a bit about school as we headed to my place, not bringing up Vriska's bullshit again.

~====3====~

After a fun evening of just hang out and chillin' with Tavros he went home, and I tried to sleep again. I tossed and turned, but I couldn't get Tavros' crying face out of my mind, the sound of his voice when he told me what Vriska had done.

How DARE she tell him that he would never be loved...

I got up and grabbed a Faygo. I needed to chill, and I needed to chill now.

I slammed the Faygo and paced around the house. How dare she.

I paused for a moment. Why did this infuriate me so much? Tavros was my best bro. As was Karkat. However, if someone had said that to Karkat, it wouldn't have bothered me as much. Maybe it was cause Karkat would have just punched Vriska in the mouth and that would have been the end of it.

Tavros wouldn't hurt a fly unless he had to. Even if it was Vriska.

I threw the empty Faygo bottle away and went back to lay down. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours before I finally was blessed by the motherfuckin' miracle that was sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I was carrying Tavros through the park down the street from his house. We were laughing so hard over jokes we were sharing. Tavros held both our bottles of Faygo and he had his arms held out wide laughing.

It was hard to not love the sound of him laughing. It was a miracle in and of itself. I loved to make him laugh.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and laughed, "wHERE TO NEXT GAMZEE,"

I thought for a second. It was a motherfuckin' wonderful day out and I didn't want to go back to Tavbro's. Just as I thought I saw the woods just behind the park.

"WhY DoN'T We gO InTo tHe fOrEsT. tHaT'D Be mOmThErFuCkIn' AwEsOmE."

Tavros nodded and he kept his arms where they were as I walked us over to the forest.

We walked through the trees until we came upon a fallen log. I sat Tavros down on the log before hopping up onto it myself.

Tavros looked up at the sky through the trees and kicked his legs back and forth. I looked over at him and my God, it was a miracle to see the joy on his face. But he was a miracle, so it fit.

Tavros leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder. "tHIS IS GREAT GAMZEE, wE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN, dID YOU KNOW THIS WAS HERE,"

"NoPe tAvBrO I DiDn't. LuCkY FiNd! It's a mIrAcUlOuS PlAcE!"

Tavros buried his face in my shoulder. "i DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE, i JUST WANNA SPEND MY TIME HERE WITH YOU,"

I felt my face flush. "Oh, ThAnKs tAvBrO! i dOn't wAnNa lEaVe hErE EiThEr."

We sat like that for awhile with Tavros' head buried in my shoulder.

After what felt like forever, Tavros lifted his head, "uM, gAMZEE,"

"yEaH TaVbRo?"

"tHANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING HERE FOR ME,"

I pulled him into a tight hug. "Of cOuRsE TaVbRo. I..." My voice trailed off. I what? I didn't see him as a best friend or a bro. I saw him and I wanted to hug him so tight he'd gasp for air and never let go.

Tavros buried his face in my shoulder again, "yOU WHAT GAMZEE,"

"I… i…." I stammered and pulled Tavros back so I could look at his face, which was now kind of flushed. "I…" and before I knew what I was doing I kissed him.

Nothing ever felt more right in my whole life, it was a motherfuckin' miracle.

After a few seconds I felt Tavros hesitantly kiss back. He wove his hand into my hair and I rested my hand on his neck.

This blessed miracle lasted a few minutes before I pulled away so I could breathe.

Tavros' face was beyond flushed, and he started biting his lip to try and hide a smile.

I smiled widely, "ThAt wAs a mIrAcLe tAvRoS, i aCtUaLlY WaS SuRe yOu'd sMaCk mE Or sOmEtHiNg fOr a mOmEnT ThErE."

Tavros let the smile spread on his face, "nO WAY GAMZEE, i COULD NEVER HURT YOU EVER,"

I hugged him and let him bury his face in my chest.

"I CoUlD NeVeR HuRt yOu eItHeR TaVrOs, ThAt wOuLd sUrElY Be tHe eNd oF Me."

~====3====~

I met with Tavros before school that Monday and as I approached he limped up to me and hugged me tighter than he's ever hugged me.

I buried my face in his hair and kissed his head. "HeY ThErE TaVrOs."

He looked up at me and smiled widely. "hEY YOURSELF GAMZEE,"

Vriska walked up to us and sneered. "Oh what do we have here? You know it's only a waste of time, Gamzee; he's pretty much useless and worthless anyway."

Rage boiled my blood and surged through my views, "HOW DARE YOU VRISKA!"

I let go of Tavros and took a step toward Vriska. I was going to wipe that sneer off her face and paint the walls with her blood.

"gAMZEE NO STOP IT'S NOT WORTH IT," I heard Tavros plead.

"Come at me Gamzee. Let's see what you'll do to protect little useless Tavros." Vriska sneered.

Right before my fist connected with her face I felt two sets of hands grab my torso and pull me back.

"LET ME GO!" I screamed.

"NO GAMZEE I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT!" I heard Karkat yell.

"nO GAMZEE SHE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME," I heard Tavros yell.

Vriska smirked and walked off. When she had disappeared from sight for awhile Karkat let go, and Tavros spun me around to give me a tight hug.

"iT'S OKAY GAMZEE, sHE'S NOT WORTH IT" he said into my chest.

I wrapped my arms around him, and my anger started to fade away.

"ShE StIlL ShOuLd pAy tAvRoS. sHe sHoUlDn't gEt aWaY WiTh aLl hEr mOtHeRfUcKiN' bUlLsHiT. tHaT MoThErFuCkEr..." I buried my face in his hair.

"sHE'LL GET WHAT'S COMING TO HER, bUT SHE'S NOT WORTH IT OKAY," he looked up at me, pressing his forehead against mind.

"I… i…." I couldn't stay mad while looking into his bright brown eyes.

Karkat whistled and we both looked over at him. " WOULD ONE OF YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" He looked irritated, nothing new for Karkat.

I quickly kissed Tavros before letting him go and turning to face Karkat, "VrIsKa hAs bEeN GiViNg tAvRoS AlL SoRtS Of mOtHeRfUcKiN' bUlLsHiT AnD ToDaY ShE HaD ThE NeRvE To mOtHeRfUcKiN' cOmE Up tO Me aNd hIm aNd sTaRt cAlLiNg hIm uSeLeSs aNd wOrThLeSs!"

Karkat nodded, "I KNEW THAT MUCH I MEAN WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO THIS IS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT I WAS NOT FUCKING EXPECTING."

My face flushed as Tavros hid behind his hands. "uM, yEAH, aBOUT THAT,,," Tavros started to say.

Karkat raised an eyebrow, "YEAH WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THAT?"

I tried hard to suppress a smile but failed, "I LiKe hIm aNd hE LiKeS Me, ThAt's aLl bRo."

Karkat's other eyebrow rose to meet the other one, "REALLY? THAT'S, WELL, INTERESTING. AND UNEXPECTED."

Tavros stayed hiding behind his hands and I smiled widely.

Karkat opened his mouth to say something when the warning bell rang signalling that it was time to go to class.

"wELL, uM, i GUESS IT'S TIME TO GO TO CLASS," Tavros lowered his hands to reveal his flushed face.

Karkat nodded and headed off while saying, "OKAY, CATCH YOU GUYS LATER THEN."

I looked over at Tavros and smiled. Then we headed off to class, hand in hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Days went by, weeks went by, and as far as I knew, everything was going great. Tavros and I hung out almost every day. The only thing that wasn't great were Vriska's constant attempts to ruin Tavros' life. Chapter 2

I was carrying Tavros through the park down the street from his house. We were laughing so hard over jokes we were sharing. Tavros held both our bottles of Faygo and he had his arms held out wide laughing.

It was hard to not love the sound of him laughing. It was a miracle in and of itself. I loved to make him laugh.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and laughed, "wHERE TO NEXT GAMZEE,"

I thought for a second. It was a motherfuckin' wonderful day out and I didn't want to go back to Tavbro's. Just as I thought I saw the woods just behind the park.

"WhY DoN'T We gO InTo tHe fOrEsT. tHaT'D Be mOmThErFuCkIn' AwEsOmE."

Tavros nodded and he kept his arms where they were as I walked us over to the forest.

We walked through the trees until we came upon a fallen log. I sat Tavros down on the log before hopping up onto it myself.

Tavros looked up at the sky through the trees and kicked his legs back and forth. I looked over at him and my God, it was a miracle to see the joy on his face. But he was a miracle, so it fit.

Tavros leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder. "tHIS IS GREAT GAMZEE, wE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN, dID YOU KNOW THIS WAS HERE,"

"NoPe tAvBrO I DiDn't. LuCkY FiNd! It's a mIrAcUlOuS PlAcE!"

Tavros buried his face in my shoulder. "i DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE, i JUST WANNA SPEND MY TIME HERE WITH YOU,"

I felt my face flush. "Oh, ThAnKs tAvBrO! i dOn't wAnNa lEaVe hErE EiThEr."

We sat like that for awhile with Tavros' head buried in my shoulder.

After what felt like forever, Tavros lifted his head, "uM, gAMZEE,"

"yEaH TaVbRo?"

"tHANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING HERE FOR ME,"

I pulled him into a tight hug. "Of cOuRsE TaVbRo. I..." My voice trailed off. I what? I didn't see him as a best friend or a bro. I saw him and I wanted to hug him so tight he'd gasp for air and never let go.

Tavros buried his face in my shoulder again, "yOU WHAT GAMZEE,"

"I… i…." I stammered and pulled Tavros back so I could look at his face, which was now kind of flushed. "I…" and before I knew what I was doing I kissed him.

Nothing ever felt more right in my whole life, it was a motherfuckin' miracle.

After a few seconds I felt Tavros hesitantly kiss back. He wove his hand into my hair and I rested my hand on his neck.

This blessed miracle lasted a few minutes before I pulled away so I could breathe.

Tavros' face was beyond flushed, and he started biting his lip to try and hide a smile.

I smiled widely, "ThAt wAs a mIrAcLe tAvRoS, i aCtUaLlY WaS SuRe yOu'd sMaCk mE Or sOmEtHiNg fOr a mOmEnT ThErE."

Tavros let the smile spread on his face, "nO WAY GAMZEE, i COULD NEVER HURT YOU EVER,"

I hugged him and let him bury his face in my chest.

"I CoUlD NeVeR HuRt yOu eItHeR TaVrOs, ThAt wOuLd sUrElY Be tHe eNd oF Me."

~====3====~

I met with Tavros before school that Monday and as I approached he limped up to me and hugged me tighter than he's ever hugged me.

I buried my face in his hair and kissed his head. "HeY ThErE TaVrOs."

He looked up at me and smiled widely. "hEY YOURSELF GAMZEE,"

Vriska walked up to us and sneered. "Oh what do we have here? You know it's only a waste of time, Gamzee; he's pretty much useless and worthless anyway."

Rage boiled my blood and surged through my views, "HOW DARE YOU VRISKA!"

I let go of Tavros and took a step toward Vriska. I was going to wipe that sneer off her face and paint the walls with her blood.

"gAMZEE NO STOP IT'S NOT WORTH IT," I heard Tavros plead.

"Come at me Gamzee. Let's see what you'll do to protect little useless Tavros." Vriska sneered.

Right before my fist connected with her face I felt two sets of hands grab my torso and pull me back.

"LET ME GO!" I screamed.

"NO GAMZEE I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT!" I heard Karkat yell.

"nO GAMZEE SHE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME," I heard Tavros yell.

Vriska smirked and walked off. When she had disappeared from sight for awhile Karkat let go, and Tavros spun me around to give me a tight hug.

"iT'S OKAY GAMZEE, sHE'S NOT WORTH IT" he said into my chest.

I wrapped my arms around him, and my anger started to fade away.

"ShE StIlL ShOuLd pAy tAvRoS. sHe sHoUlDn't gEt aWaY WiTh aLl hEr mOtHeRfUcKiN' bUlLsHiT. tHaT MoThErFuCkEr..." I buried my face in his hair.

"sHE'LL GET WHAT'S COMING TO HER, bUT SHE'S NOT WORTH IT OKAY," he looked up at me, pressing his forehead against mind.

"I… i…." I couldn't stay mad while looking into his bright brown eyes.

Karkat whistled and we both looked over at him. " WOULD ONE OF YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" He looked irritated, nothing new for Karkat.

I quickly kissed Tavros before letting him go and turning to face Karkat, "VrIsKa hAs bEeN GiViNg tAvRoS AlL SoRtS Of mOtHeRfUcKiN' bUlLsHiT AnD ToDaY ShE HaD ThE NeRvE To mOtHeRfUcKiN' cOmE Up tO Me aNd hIm aNd sTaRt cAlLiNg hIm uSeLeSs aNd wOrThLeSs!"

Karkat nodded, "I KNEW THAT MUCH I MEAN WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO THIS IS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT I WAS NOT FUCKING EXPECTING."

My face flushed as Tavros hid behind his hands. "uM, yEAH, aBOUT THAT,,," Tavros started to say.

Karkat raised an eyebrow, "YEAH WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THAT?"

I tried hard to suppress a smile but failed, "I LiKe hIm aNd hE LiKeS Me, ThAt's aLl bRo."

Karkat's other eyebrow rose to meet the other one, "REALLY? THAT'S, WELL, INTERESTING. AND UNEXPECTED."

Tavros stayed hiding behind his hands and I smiled widely.

Karkat opened his mouth to say something when the warning bell rang signalling that it was time to go to class.

"wELL, uM, i GUESS IT'S TIME TO GO TO CLASS," Tavros lowered his hands to reveal his flushed face.

Karkat nodded and headed off while saying, "OKAY, CATCH YOU GUYS LATER THEN."

I looked over at Tavros and smiled. Then we headed off to class, hand in hand.

Oh I wish I knew ahead of time what was going to happen; maybe I could have done something to stop it.

Tavros and I were walking to my house after a long Friday at school. I was so glad that I hadn't found Tavros crying when we met up after school like I had for several days this week. It all had been on Vriska.

I was carrying Tavros on my back, but he seemed kinda down. Instead of holding his arms out, he just had his arms wrapped around my neck, had his head resting against mine, and was staring off into nothing off to the side.

"SoMeThInG WrOnG TaVrOs?" I asked.

"oH, uM, iT'S NOTHING JUST VRISKA'S SHIT GETTING TO ME, i'LL BE FINE," he said sadly.

That wasn't like him, he usually told me what was wrong, "YoU SuRe tAvY?"

"uM, yEAH I'M SURE, i'M JUST A LITTLE DOWN ABOUT IT NOTHING NEW THERE,"

"OkAy tAvY, iF YoU SaY So. WhY DoN'T We gO To tHaT MiRaClE PlAcE In tHe wOoDs? MaYbE ThAt wIlL ChEeR YoU Up!" I turned my head to look back at him. The unusual anxiety that was building in my stomach grew when I saw him crying silently.

I gently put him on a bench we were passing and I turned and hugged him tightly, "No, TaVrOs dOn't cRy, YoU KnOw i hAtE It wHeN YoU CrY... iT'Ll bE OkAy, ThErE'S A MiRaClE CoMiNg yOuR WaY SoOn i jUsT KnOw iT. mAyBe vRiSkA WiLl gEt mOtHeRfUcKiN' eXpElLeD Or sOmEtHiNg fOr hEr mOtHeRfUcKiN' bUlLsHiT AnD YoU WoN'T HaVe tO DeAl wItH HeR MoThErFuCkIn' SeLf aNyMoRe."

He sobbed into my shoulder for what felt like an eternity. After what was actually a couple of minutes he looked up at me, "i'M SORRY GAMZEE, bUT YOU'RE RIGHT I'M SURE SOON ENOUGH I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH VRISKA ANYMORE, jUST PROMISE ME THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST OKAY, dON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, iF VRISKA STARTS SHIT WITH YOU KEEP CALM AND WALK AWAY,"

"WhAt dO YoU MeAn tAvRoS? yOu'rE AcTiNg sTrAnGe tOdAy, ArE YoU OkAy?"

"i'LL BE FINE SOON ENOUGH OKAY GAMZEE, jUST PROMISE ME THAT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS, yOU'LL BE OKAY."

"YeAh tAvRoS I'Ll bE OkAy, I JuSt wIsH YoU'D TeLl mE WhAt yOu mEaN."

"iT'S, uH, nOTHING, wHY DON'T WE HEAD BACK TO MY PLACE, mY PARENTS AND BROTHER ARE OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEKEND," He tried to smile at me, but it was such a sad smile…

"YeAh tHaT SoUnDs gReAt tAvRoS, mY PaReNtS HaVe bE AlL MoThErFuCkIn' Up mY AsS AbOuT YoU BeInG OvEr aLl tHe tImE. tHeY'Re nOt tOo cOoL BoUt gUyS DaTiNg gUyS. mOtHeRfUcKeRs. My BrOtHeR dOeSn't CaRe."

"tHAT'S LAME, mINUS YOUR BROTHER NOT CARING, wELL, lET'S HEAD OUT,"

~====3====~

We got to Tavros' house and went to his room to watch his favorite movie, Peter Pan.

After a while of watching the movie Tavros looked over at me, "hEY, i HOPE THAT YOU'RE HAVING FUN,"

"Of cOuRsE I Am, I'M WiTh yOu wHy wOuLdN'T I Be hAvInG FuN?"

"oH, i DON'T KNOW,,, i AM KINDA LAME, aND USE,,, uM, i DON'T KNOW I'M JUST NOT A VERY GOOD PERSON," He was staring at his feet as he spoke.

"ThAt's nOt tRuE TaVrOs, YoU'Re oNe oF ThE BeSt mOtHeRfUcKeRs i'vE EvEr mEt. I SwEaR To tHe mIrThFuL MeSsIaHs i'm gOnNa bEaT ThE LiViNg hElL OuT Of tHaT MoThErFuCkEr vRiSkA FoR PuTtInG ThIs nOnSeNsE InTo yOuR HeAd. I CaN'T StAnD To sEe yOu hUrTiNg lIkE ThIs…"

Tavros looked over at me, "sHE'S NOT WORTH IT GAMZEE,,, bUT I THANK YOU FOR THIS, mY TIME SPENT WITH YOU IS THE BEST WAY TO SPEND MY TIME,"

I smiled at him, "SaMe gOeS FoR YoU TaVrOs. I CaN'T ImAgInE A BeTtEr wAy tO SpEnD My tImE."

Tavros' face flushed for a moment before leaning over to kiss me. It started gentle and slowly the tempo increased. It wasn't long before I was on my back and he was on top of me.

And thus proceeded the greatest miracle to ever happen to either of us.

~====3====~

I leaned over and kissed Tavros' forehead, "As mUcH As i dOn't wAnT To, I BeTtEr gEt gOiNg sOoN Or mY PaReNtS ArE GoNnA ThRoW A MoThErFuCkIn' FiT."

He nodded and we got up and got dressed. Within a few minutes I was standing on the front porch holding Tavros in a tight hug with my face buried in his hair.

"JuSt rEmEmBeR ThAt eVeRyThInG WiLl bE OkAy tAvRoS, aNd i'lL AlWaYs bE HeRe fOr yOu." I said into his hair.

"i REMEMBER, tHANK YOU GAMZEE, fOR EVERYTHING,"

"AnYtImE. GoOdNiGhT TaVrOs."

"gOODBYE GAMZEE,"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I laid awake that night and thought about everything that Tavros had said today. He had been acting so strange, but it was probably nothing. Or well, I hoped it was nothing.

I was still worried, no matter what I told myself. That was weird for me because I never worried about anything. There was never anything to worry myself over. But Tavros… Tavros was a completely different story. He was everything to me and it would kill me if anything were to happen to him.

I think… I think I love him.

That was the only explanation to what I'm feeling right now.

A small smile crept onto my face. Maybe that would cheer him up. To know that Vriska was wrong, that he is loved. I know it'd make me feel great to see his face light up when I tell him.

I just know he'll be happy to hear it, and I hope he can say it in return.

~====3====~

I knocked on Tavros' door the next morning, only to get no response. I stood there confused. Usually if he couldn't get to the door right away he yelled that he'd be right there.

Maybe he was asleep still? No, it was almost noon. He could never sleep that late.

Was he that worn out? He did seem pretty tired last night.

I knocked again, only louder. Still no answer.

I knocked a third time, even louder, and the door slid open. Tavros didn't lock the door? That was even more strange than his behavior last night.

I opened it slightly and popped my head in. The living room and the kitchen were empty. I looked to my left and found his bedroom door was open and Tavros was lying on his floor.

That's when I saw the blood.

I ran down the hallway and fell to my knees next to him.

His eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling and blood seeped out of the hole in the side of his head.

"TaVrOs? TaVbRo!" I started yelling.

I took Tavros' body into my arms and held his body close to me, "CoMe oN BrO YoU GoTtA MoThErFuCkIn' WaKe uP…" Tears picked at my eyes and spilled over cause no matter what I said, I knew the truth.

He wasn't waking up.

I held onto Tavros as sobs wracked my body. I sat there sobbing for what felt like hours.

I was still sobbing when Karkat ran in yelling something I couldn't quite hear. Everything was muffled in my grief. I almost had forgotten that Karkat and Tavros were neighbors.

I could tell Karkat was trying to talk to me but I couldn't hear him. He shook me but I just held onto Tavros tighter.

Karkat left my field of vision and I just sat there wailing Tavros' name.

"YoU CaN'T DiE On mE TaVbRo! I... i..." I couldn't finish the words.

Some time later Karkat came into my field of vision again. He was saying something I couldn't hear him. Sadness, grief, and concern were written all over his face, which was different than the usual fury and irritation.

EMTs came out of the corner of my vision with a stretcher. I still sat there sobbing and wailing.

One of them tried talking to me but I couldn't hear him. Karkat came into my line of vision again and tried talking. I never seen him not angry, but the anger was returning to mix with his grief.

The EMT gently tried to pry Tavros from my arms and I started screaming, "No! DoN'T TaKe hIm fRoM Me! YoU CaN'T TaKe hIm fRoM Me!"

The EMT tried harder to take Tavros from me and I kept on screaming. I vaguely able to read the EMT's lips as he said, "He's gone, we need to take him."

"No! No! He cAn't bE GoNe, He cAn't! TaVrOs... My tAvRoS..." I screamed, my voice faltering at the end.

I read Karkat's lips as he said, "YOU GOTTA LET HIM GO GAMZEE. WE WERE TOO LATE."

I wailed tipping my head back and holding tight to Tavros.

The EMT tugged again and my head snapped back down and I screamed, "No! YoU WiLl nOt hAvE HiM!"

I clung to a dying hope that Tavros would wake up in my arms and we'd laugh about it and slam a Faygo.

But deep down I knew he was gone.

The EMT said something to Karkat and Karkat walked behind me.

I felt his arms wrap around my torso and yank me backward at the same time the EMT grabbed Tavros and pulled him from me.

"No! YoU CaN'T TaKe hIm fRoM Me!" I started screaming again and tried reaching for TAvros as the EMT finally pulled him from me. I scrambled to get to Tavros but Karkat was holding me back.

"No! No!" I kept screaming "No" over and over while they put Tavros' body on the stretcher. While they covered him with a white sheet. While they wheeled him away.

After a few minutes Karkat let go. I collapsed into a sobbing mess on Tavros' bedroom floor, where we had been sitting, laughing, and talking not even 24 hours prior.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The world was dull and grey. There was no purpose. Karkat tried to get me to cheer up sometimes, but nothing worked. Every day in the week it's been since I found Tavros bled out on his bedroom floor, I had sobbed myself to sleep, clutching my chest as it felt like I was being stabbed to death by the grief Tavros had left me with. Every time I saw the spot where we used to meet up at, I'd collapse into a sobbing mess.

I had stopped eating with the others at the lunch table. I couldn't bear to see them. They tell me that they don't blame me for what happened, but I didn't believe them. How could they not? I was the last person to see him alive. I should have known things we worse than I had thought, but I didn't. I should have known… I should have known damnit!

I got up from my seat where I was sitting in the library and threw the barely eaten remains of my lunch away. I walked down the hallway and left the school. Who cares if I got good grades and stayed in school? The only person who's even cared about me in that way was dead.

I walked down to the park where me and Tavros used to hang out and walked into the forest to our spot. I sat on the log and stared up at the clouds. It was an overcast day, so I couldn't see the sun.

After sitting there for awhile it started to rain, and I started to cry. Tavros and I used to come here everyday after school. I can't deal with this… I can't deal with this…

I felt the wind pick up a little and I swear to God I felt a hand on my shoulder, but when I turned to see, there was no one there.

I shook my head to clear it. I must be going crazy out of my grief or something.

I checked my phone, I had a text from Karkat, "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO GAMZEE?"

It had been sent almost an hour ago, about 10 minutes after lunch would have ended and about 20 minutes after I left. I quickly typed up a reply, "I'M OuT In tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN' wOoDs bRo. I'M NoT In tHe mOoD To bE DeAlInG WiTh mOtHeRfUcKiNg sChOoL. iT'S JuSt nOt tHe sAmE AnYmOrE."

It wasn't long before I got another reply, "I KNOW GAMZEE THAT THIS IS HARD FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH. HE WAS ONE OF MY GOOD FRIENDS TOO. BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP UP WITH SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED YOU TO DO INSTEAD OF ALL THIS DEPRESSIVE SHIT. I KNOW YOU'RE DEPRESSED FUCKASS, I'M DEPRESSED TOO. WE ALL ARE."

It took me a second to comprehend what I was reading, I mean it's not unusual for Karkat to act like that, but it took a second to register in my head what he meant.

And suddenly everything that Tavros was saying the night before made sense.

I fell to my knees and sobbed. It was right there in front of me and I didn't even see it till now.

Eventually my phone started buzzing, Karkat was calling me.

"YeAh bRo?" I tried to stop sobbing to talk right, but it didn't work.

"OH COME ON MAN DON'T CRY MAN COME ON"

"I'Ll tRy bRo bUt iT HaSn't bEeN WoRkInG So fAr tHiS WeEk."

"I KNOW YOU'RE SAD MAN I AM TOO BUT COME ON DO YOU THINK TAVROS WOULD WANT YOU TO BE ALL SAD LIKE THIS?"

It took me a few moments to reply, "I DoN'T ThInK He wOuLd bRo. BuT I CaN'T StOp... EvErYtHiNg hUrTs, I'M NoT UsEd tO EvErYtHiNg hUrTiNg…"

"COME ON FUCKASS I KNOW YOU'RE HURTING OKAY? BUT YOU GOTTA BE STRONG YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED. WHERE ARE YOU MAYBE YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IF YOU HAD A FRIEND AROUND?"

I tried to dry my eyes with the hand that wasn't holding the phone, "I jUsT wAnT tO bE lEfT aLoNe RiGhT nOw BrO, bUt ThAnK yOu KaRbRo."

"OKAY, WELL, YOU GOT MY NUMBER," he hung up.

I tried to get to my feet only to fall back onto my knees with my face on the ground sobbing.

I suddenly felt a cold but gentle hand on my shoulder "cOME ON GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY, jUST BECAUSE I'M NOT HERE ANYMORE DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN'T KEEP ON LIVING,"

My hand snapped up, but no one was there. The voice sounded just like Tavros.

But that's impossible, I held his body, I say his eyes stare blankly up at nothing, I watched them cover him with a white sheet, I saw the blood.

I'm hearing things, that is the only possibility.

I rested my head back on the ground. I wasn't sobbing anymore. Somehow hearing his voice calmed me a bit.

After sitting like that for a few minutes I got up and walked home.

~====3====~

I walked into the front door to find my brother Kurloz standing in the living room with an envelop in his hands.

I walked over and tilted my head to one side. Trying to talk to him was was a waste of motherfucking time, he couldn't talk. Kurloz handed me the envelope, it said, "gAMZEE" on it.

My eyes welled up with tears again. It was from Tavros.

I opened it and it said:

"gAMZEE,

i'M, uH, nOT SURE HOW YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THIS WHOLE THING, i JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU, wELL, mEANT EVERYTHING TO ME AND THIS IS NO WAY YOUR FAULT, tHERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE, i WAS BEYOND TIRED OF VRISKA BULLYING ME,I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, dON'T BE MAD THOUGH, sHE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME, oKAY, i'M NOT GONNA BE AROUND TO BE ABLE TO PULL YOU AWAY FROM HER, sO I HOPE KARKAT CAN DO IT FOR ME WHEN HE'S NOT SUSPENDED FROM FIGHTING, fUNNY HOW HE HASN'T BEEN EXPELLED YET, aNYWAY, i, uH, dON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, aND IS THIS PROBABLY THE WORST WAY TO DO THIS, bUT I LOVE YOU GAMZEE, sO MUCH, aND I'M SO, sO SORRY FOR THIS,

tAVROS"

I stared at my hands where the letter had been a second prior. He… what?

Kurloz tipped his head over so he could see my face. He looked concerned. He signed something, forgetting that I didn't know sign language. Then he left my field of vision and returned with a piece of paper with, "ArE yOu OkAy?" written on it.

I shook my head.

I couldn't believe what I just read. He… loved… me…

And I never got the chance to tell him that I did.

It took me a few moments to realize I was crying again. Kurloz was looking at me with an oddly concerned look on his face, but I barely realized it.

I stood there crying for a few moments before something snapped in my head.

This was Vriska's fault. This was ALL Vriska's fault. If it wasn't for that motherfucker, Tavros would still be…

Rage overtook my senses. My head snapped up and Kurloz scribbled on a piece of paper, "WhAt bRoThEr?"

I spoke through gritted teeth, "ThE MaN I LoVe iS DeAd, AnD I NoW KnOw wHiCh mOtHeRfUcKeR Is rEsPoNsIbLe."

Kurloz nodded.

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER! Vriska your motherfucking self is as good as dead. I'M GONNA KILL YOU VRISKA!" I yelled.

Kurloz nodded.

I stormed out of the house, leaving Kurloz behind, and walked angrily toward the school. Vriska stayed after school for a roleplay club that met today, Tavros was in it too.

I hoped that I'd find her before she left. That motherfucker was done.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I walked up to the school, my rage having not faded at all, and stormed into the building and walked up to the room where the roleplaying club met. It was just getting out and I saw Vriska's head of black hair walk out of the room. I followed her down the hallway until I was able to grab her and drag her into a side hallway. She had gone down the hallway opposite of the rest of the group, so we were alone.

"Well Gamzee if you wanted to get me alone then all you had to do was ask, not drag me down an empty hallway," she said slyly.

"I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE PREDICAMENT THAT YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW MOTHERFUCKER." I yelled in her face as I pinned her to the wall.

She smirked as I turned my head to the side and said quieter, " I'm going to motherfucking kill you, and I'm gonna make sure it's slow and painful."

"Right, like you could take me down Gamzee. I could 8reak you in half."

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY MOTHERFUCKER. If it wasn't for you, Tavros would still be alive." I alternated between yelling and speaking softly.

"So that's what this is a8out, little Tavros. It's not my fault he couldn't handle the truth." She sneered.

I punched her in the jaw, hard, "HOW MOTHERFUCKING DARE YOU. I'm going to motherfucking end you. HOW MOTHERFUCKING DARE YOU THINK HE WAS ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECT."

She spat blood off to the side, "That's 8ecause he wasn't perfect Gamzee. You're completely delusional and out of your mind if you think that he was. Cause guess what? No8ody is"

"SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER!" I punched her in the jaw, again.

She spat her blood in my face, and a tooth, "Go ahead, continue this. You're a twig I could 8reak you in half 8ecause you're so skinny. Don't you eat anything?"

I pulled my fist back to punch her again but my arm was caught before I could punch Vriska in her motherfucking mouth.

"BEATING HER UP ISN'T GONNA BRING HIM BACK FUCKASS." Karkat yelled.

I dropped Vriska, only realizing then that I had been holding her off the ground, and rounded on him, "It's her fault that Tavros is gone. IT'S MOTHERFUCKING HER FAULT!"

"I KNOW THIS IS GONNA SOUND STRANGE COMING FROM ME BUT BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HER ISN'T GONNA SOLVE ANYTHING GAMZEE. HE'S GONE, AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK." He looked genuinely concerned, which just enraged me more.

"I don't care, I'm gonna motherfucking paint the walls with her blood. I'M GONNA PAINT ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING WALLS WITH HER BLOOD. I will not let Tavros die without the woman who drove him to it going with him. I WILL NOT LET THIS MOTHERFUCKER LIVE!"

I spun around, fist raised to strike her again, but she had fled.

The memory of hearing Tavros' voice earlier hit me, and my rage faded. I dropped my fist and just stared at the blood splatter on the wall.

"I'M GoNnA NeEd tO MoThErFuCkInG ClEaN ThAt uP. aNd tHaT." I pointed at the blood splatter on the floor.

Karkat nodded, "I'LL HELP YOU MAN. I KNOW I'M ACTING TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER TO YOU, BUT I'M GENUINELY CONCERNED THAT YOU'RE HAVING SOME SORT OF PSYCHOTIC SNAP."

"ThAnKs bEsT FrIeNd, YoU'Re tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg bEsT. aNd i'm fInE, i jUsT GoT A LiTtLe cArRiEd aWaY ThErE FoR A MoMeNt." I wasn't sure if that was completely true or not. God I needed a Faygo.

As we cleaned up the Vriska's blood, I remembered that I haven't had a Faygo since the morning I found Tavros. What nobody knew, except for Tavros, was that I spiked my Faygo with some of the alcohol in my parents liquor cabinet. I've been sober for the last week. That explains the snap I just had.

Karkat noticed me hesitate as I came to that realization, "WHAT IS IT?"

"It's nOtHiNg bRo i jUsT NeEd a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fAyGo. HaVeN'T HaD OnE In aWhIlE."

"I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU CAN DRINK THAT SWILL," Karkat rolled his eyes, which were the oddest color. They were candy red. I guess I couldn't really say I was free from having weird eyes, mine were a deep purple. As did everyone else in the Makara family.

Tavros, Rufioh, and their parents had brown eyes, but Tavros' eyes shone the most.

My vision blurred with tears. I really needed to chill, I needed to get home…

~====3====~

Karkat walked with me home to make sure I didn't snap again. I walked into my house to find Kurloz and Meulin curled up on the couch sleeping. Didn't know that he had her over. Usually I don't hear her talk because her and my bro just signed to each other.

I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a fresh Faygo. There were at least 10 ready to drink, and a whole other 6 bottles sitting right next to them. I offered Karkat a bottle of not spiked Faygo and he declined.

Karkat left and I went up to my room and sat on my bed. I remembered the nights that Tavros and I shared, just laying on my bed and laughing over whatever came to mind.

I felt the effects of the alcohol starting to kick in and I felt a little better as my mind got that familiar fuzziness back.

I finished the bottle of Faygo and laid down. I shut my eyes

A second later I swore my brother spiked my drink with LSD or something.

I felt a warm presence next to me, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Tavros sitting on my bed next to me in a blue hoodie with a windy sign on the front and blue shorts, shorts that were a little short for him. He was also a little see through. And his eyes were pure white. Not that I cared, Tavros was right next to me!

I opened my mouth to speak but he covered my mouth with a ghostly hand, "sHH, yOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SEE OR HEAR ME, i'M JUST A VISITOR, aND YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE I WAS HERE,"

I nodded and he moved his hand. I spoke quietly, "TaVrOs... I'Ve mIsSeD YoU So mUcH... i cOuLdN'T EvEn bRiNg mYsElF To dRiNk mY FaYgO... I CoUlDn't…"

He smiled sadly, "i KNOW, i'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU AND I KNOW THE MISERY YOU'VE BEEN IN,,, i'M SO SORRY YOU WERE THE ONE TO FIND ME, iF I COULD HAVE PREVENTED THAT I WOULD HAVE,,,"

My eyes watered at the memory, "So yOu sAw wHaT HaPpEnEd wItH VrIsKa tOdAy?"

He nodded sadly, "i TOLD YOU THAT SHE ISN'T WORTH YOUR TIME, pLEASE YOU CAN'T KILL HER, i DON'T WANNA WATCH YOU GO TO PRISON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,,,"

My eyes blurred, "BuT I CaN'T JuSt lEt hEr gEt aWaY WiTh tHiS…"

He leaned over and hugged me, "sHE DIDN'T HAND ME THE GUN IT WAS MY WEAKNESS THAT CAUSED THIS, tHERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE EITHER, tHERE'S NOTHING YOU NEED TO DO,"

"I... i... I... i lOvE YoU TaVrOs, I NeVeR GoT To tElL YoU…" tears were streaming down my face.

He buried his face in my shoulder, "i WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU WHILE I WAS ALIVE,,, bUT I WAS TOO SCARED TO,,,"

I ran my hands through his hair, "I WiSh i hEaRd iT ThEn tOo, BuT I ReAd iT In yOuR LeTtEr aNd tHaT'S WhAt cOuNtS."

When he spoke I realized he was crying, "i'M SO SORRY GAMZEE,,, i LOVE YOU SO MUCH,,,"

I ran my hand up and down his back to try and soothe him, "I'M NoT MaD Or aNyThInG TaVrOs, I JuSt wIsH... i jUsT WiSh yOu wErE StIlL HeRe tO FaCe tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg wOrLd wItH Me…"

He looked up and kissed me softly, "yOU'LL BE OKAY GAMZEE, i'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE WATCHING OVER YOU, aLWAYS REMEMBER THAT, yOU'RE NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY BE ALONE EVER AGAIN, oKAY,"

I nodded and buried my face in his shoulder and sobbed. He rubbed my back and kissed my head through the mess of my hair. I sobbed for what felt like hours, just letting my grief out.

I slowly stopped crying and we just sat there holding each other for what felt like forever.

"yOU SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP GAMZEE, dO YOU WANT ME TO STAY TILL YOU FALL ASLEEP," he spoke into my hair.

I nodded and quickly changed into sleep clothes. I curled up next to Tavros, who had laid down. I buried my face into his shoulder and hugged him. I missed him so much, this was a godsend.

He rubbed my back with one hand and traced circles on my head with the other and much too soon I was asleep.

When I woke the next morning he was gone.

And I would never see him again, but I was overcome with peace.

I had finally come to terms with his death.

~====3====~


End file.
